15 quotes in Swenglish

1.    ‘Juice’ is a difficult word for Swedes. Bert and Ulla were having drinks in a bar in New York. Bert went over to the bar and placed his order: I’d like a double vodka and tonic and do you have any use for my wife?

2.    Lars and Ronny were dining at a restaurant in London. The waiter came to take their order. I’ll have a bloody steak, said Ronny. ‘And how would you like your f****** potatoes?’ asked the waiter.

3.    Bengt was explaining some Swedish Christmas traditions to his international guest. In Sweden we drink ‘glögg’, he said, it is warm, red wine with Russians in it.

4.    Between the main course and the dessert, Margareta informed her international dinner guests that they could smoke during the intercourse.

5.    Poor Åke, he had a very bad cold. He sneezed and coughed all through dinner. When his foreign hosts asked what he thought of their national dish, he replied: It is very good, but this evening I smell not so well and I have such bad taste.

6.    Ingrid informed the people attending the meeting that her boss, who had called in sick, was not able to join them as he had a terrible influence.

7.    At the end of the meeting with important clients, Sune chose to say a few words: I wish to thank you all from the bottom of my heart and from the bottoms of my colleagues as well.

8.    Ulla asked the visitors who had just arrived at the office: Would you like to take your clothes off here?

9.    Stig’s guest told him that Herr Grünemeyer sent him his regards. Oh, said Stig, please give them back when you see him.

10. Fatima was in a panic: I’ve lost my leg! Her international guests were just as confused when she then said: Oh no, there it is, on the table.

11. During a seminar, Leif, a participant, asked if the group could have a bone stretcher.

12. At a conference at a hotel in London, Lasse wore a name badge with the text: Lasse Bengtsson, Sales Ass.

13. The HR division of a British parent company sent out a mail to their daughter companies worldwide. It asked simply: ‘Please report the number of employees broken down by age and sex.’ From the Swedish office came the reply: The number is zero. If our staff are broken down it is because of stress and alcohol, not age and sex.

14. Do you know Lasse? He is our representative at the local fack club.

15. Peter Öberg checked into his hotel, Peter Öberg. A zero with two pricks.

(Swedes are great at English, ranking number 3 in the world of those who speak English as a foreign language. They also have a sense of humour, and I'm sure they can take an article like this ;-) You gotta love 'em these Swedes)

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